New Itch.IO asset pack

A new texture pack has been released on

Over 180 texture maps with more additions daily until mid May 2020, when the asset pack will have over 500 total seamless texture maps.

An example of a seamless texture applied to a sphere.
More texture samples.

This collection has been popular already, with hundreds of views of the page, it’s been added to multiple ‘collections’ [i.e. wishlists] and multiple sales, multiple tips!

Kind of a no-brainer though at a 28-cent price. This sale ends in less than 36 hours, so if you want the launch-sale pricing, buy this now! major update [2020]

The overhaul of has finally happened.

Go to the main page, hit the refresh symbol on your browser, and view the new version of the site!

Also, lots of other stuff is in the works, including an overhaul of soon, so keep an eye out for that in a few weeks.

The stock footage stuff on saw an ‘Earth Day’ sale recently, but that shop (and my Etsy shop) will have sales for Mothers’ Day, and Memorial Day weekend soon so if you missed the sale recently don’t feel too bad.

February 2020, updates

Some of you may have noticed a problem with my eBay shop lately. Things are taking longer to deliver. Orders do, in some cases, take weeks to fulfill.

That has much to do with my bare-bones financial condition. I’ve made a lot of artworks and am shipping them as soon as I can, but even so the delays continue to escalate as some customers have requested and been given, refunds. Note that even in these cases I still will fulfill their orders, it’s kind of important to me even if it makes zero difference to eBay, but… the last two weeks I’ve been scraping through huge piles of sub-minimum wage tasks in an aim to finish shipping all delayed orders. My losses [all factors considered] on eBay in the past 40 days are in excess of $70 which makes me a rather godawful excuse for a business person but maybe not a truly horrendous ‘person’ person?

I’ve been doing a ton of stuff on mTurk and other places, every gig I can grab, at $2-3 per hour, including low-end tasks I’d normally not touch, in an effort to stabilize things and resolve complaints from customers, complaints that have piled up badly.

You need to know that I’m working on it, working very hard to shovel my way out of the broken mess I’m now stuck in. Much of that low wage work’s already done, I do see some delays/lag as likely though as the tasks are still being approved and shifted out to a usable form of money. But I’ve earned $10+ daily doing that and it seems to be piling up faster than the refunds are going out. So sending refunds *and* shipping all of the ordered items, should be viable in the next week at most.

Upsides: my Itch.IO profile has seen a gradual climb in sales even despite total absence of reviews from buyers there. Even comments here and there would be enormously impactful FYI, the only feedback I have ever gotten was a comment on one Itch stock-media pack that said the collection was a great deal. Which explains why that one pack is accounting for about 60% of all my sales on Itch!

Also, I’ve made a second sale on Etsy, so it seems that is going well and I’m posting three new artworks soon, later than I’d aimed to, but still… they will be posted.

Here’s the item that was sold. I’m still posting more and more art there as time passes. I expect the total number of available listed items to be around 25 by the end of February:

Likewise, I’m nearly done setting up an overhauled version of and will switch everything over to the new web design in another day or so. It’s better in terms of navigation, clean style, and flexible [responsive] formatting. The pages, in general, load faster too!

As usual though, don’t expect the changes to necessarily show up in your browser without hitting refresh. My advice, go to the main page at next week, hit refresh, and, err, feel refreshed I guess by how the site looks after that point? I expect the switch over will be in effect by Feb. 15 and may become visible worldwide over the following 48 hrs. so some cool things should result from that.

“Pirate video” – I’m making a little video short for the nephews’ birthday, putting an hour or so a day into that on top of everything else. It includes some pretty awesome VFX shots. That’s just another reminder of what I can do with videos and visual effects!

sea battle – pirates in pittsburgh suburbs. .GIF loop.

Ships sailing in a pond, during a storm.

Final note – I know everybody’s so, so tired of waiting for something to happen with Miniature Multiverse. I have completed the first part of the game’s design, 100%, with other sections of the game in varying stages of completion. Now I’ve opted to release a ‘partial version’ with the later areas all stripped out temporarily, and post that as a downloadable on Itch.IO with added sections posted every two months afterwards as long as it is still selling (if it sells much at all really, which given the nature of indie game dev, is unclear.) So that is the first fifth of the game which will be posted on Feb. 24th, along with the corresponding sections of the making-of PDF for ‘Extras’ buyers. So yeah, a lot is going on right now. I’m working every waking hour on something creative or earnings related [or both] lately and wouldn’t have things be any other way.

Small update, January 2020

-A new wave of stuff headed to my venue on Etsy, including beautiful artworks like this one, and prices that trend gradually downward until each item sells, even if that means the items don’t break even in some cases. Bonus is that not only is more and more stuff getting posted this month, but there is now a first Etsy review from my first customer on Etsy, a person who took a chance on my shop, and didn’t regret it at all.

Hopefully more sales, and more glowing reviews, will follow.

-Lunar New year sale on will offer all my stock media in a bundle for an unprecedentedly low 89 cents at end of month. 90% off bundle!

I have made 15+ sales on so far but nobody has written a review. I am convinced that if even one or two customers do write a review there it would affect the trajectory of the shop in enormously positive ways… encouraging development of even more added quality content at ludicrously low prices.

Note, I have struggled a bit with an unusual deluge of sales on eBay lately and several of those orders have kind of fallen through the cracks a bit. I am sorry about any delays caused by other work, unwanted distractions, unexpected fees/costs, etc. I am working to resolve all remaining pending orders and messes there within the next five days.

I will reiterate that if there are unreasonable delays, I will make it up to any customers affected and will do what I can to resolve complaints – even if that means refunds, or extra apology items delivered beyond what was listed as sold. I am just one guy here so sometimes things do go wrong, I am working on it and I do want to preserve my track record there with (currently) 385 positive ratings and no negatives so far. I would also like to see Etsy and Itch shops develop similarly impressive track records in the long run.

Anyway, the amazing bundle deal on starts in about a week as does the relaunch of with a heavily improved and revised design. Please try refreshing the main page starting on Jan. 20 as things will begin to look very different then.

Happy Holidays (2019)!

Hello everyone, hope you’re having a good time as 2019 nears its end.

I’ve got a few key updates for all of you.

Etsy update – My often dormant Etsy shop actually has some listings available again. One of them has already sold!

Better: All prices are 25% off during the Black Friday/Thanksgiving/Cyber Monday span. So if you want an item… now is a good time for 25% off.

Remember my Etsy shop? It’s active again. Here’s a pumpkin pie painting I made.

Happy holidays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannukah, New Year’s, etc.

Pinteresting… As a result of posting a ton of freshly revealed .GIF clips from my video productions and other projects, I’ve had a staggering 800+% spike in Pinterest views from October to November, which I suspect drives some of the activity I’m seeing elsewhere [the above Etsy sale, for example].

Check my Pinterest boards to see why that’s taking off like crazy:

Pinterest – Matthew Hornbostel’s profile

And also active [through Cyber Monday is a jaw-dropping 81% off sale on all of my Itch.IO stuff [asset packs with 3d models, stock video FX elements, and texture maps] bundled together. Five asset packs (AND) an early Miniature Multiverse preorder, for $1.69.  Here’s a direct link to the bundle page:

Holiday Bundle – Cyber Monday sale!

There are some new GIFs, video clips, and stills scattered across my ITch.IO pages to showcase the evolving status of my asset packs. I pushed a big update recently to some of them and will be posting some smaller incremental updates very soon – fixes to a few texture-file links and a couple of other small but noticeable glitchy details [like the dandelion texture which I noticed issues with] and I’ll also be adding the long-awaited hanging spanish moss to the ‘Marshes & Meadows’ pack. So those fixes will be posted soon. I tried to participate in the Icehouse Game Jam but fell behind my intended schedule and opted not to submit a very incomplete minigame. However, I’ll still finish the mystery game production [teased on Twitter & Pinterest] at some point.

A new plan… I am working on overhauling and 

There will be a lot of new  stuff for everyone, massive improvements in content and responsiveness for various devices and the new drop-down navigation is way nicer, plus my video-player setup is way cooler, with a wide range of professional-ish features. Plus it’s all way cleaner looking and no giant endless blocks of text. And long awaited comics and a few more articles actually posted which are not currently available.


There is a tangled mass of challenges in terms of dealing with video content I have made over the years. I’d love to hit the ground running VERY FAST the day this large-scale new overhaul goes live in mid January of 2020. I need to convince the assorted family and friends to accept terms I’ve laid out [quickly] but that’ll require them to believe signing on [ie allowing their roles to be public and facing possible embarrassment] will somehow be worth it. I have a way to do this but it’s a bit tricky in a few ways, and I will NOT guarantee the online survival of the site video content beyond its first year. I do think I could pull off the plan [but] it’s contingent on this stuff finding an audience.

TV networks need subscribers or millions of live viewers bombarded with commercials, and I will not intrude on my stuff with video ads stalling the video content, nor will I require a subscription or paywall. There will be a still, not animated, banner ad at bottom of each page below the video stuff, and a widget for social media sharing, and that is *it*. So I expect far less revenue per viewer, as a result, than ‘TV’ because I refuse to be intrusive and wish to respect my audience.

Resulting harsh truth: I’ll launch with about 25-30 videos in the site library, and each of them needs to, on average, hit nearly 7,000 unique, REAL views/month. Minimum. That is, 2 million total [combined] video views in the first year. I have had family express skepticism that my VFX-laden, comedy and/or action videos will be of any interest to the broader world.

Well… Pinterest is a fascinating case study. The REASON my Pinterest views have exploded to 800-900/day has mostly to do with about a dozen amusing .GIFs from my video projects. Some of those have been seen by *thousands* of Pinterest viewers. So I figure, if a 5-10 second GIF loop from me grabs a thousand viewers in the past week… how well might the actual high-res video do? I truly believe what my family finds fun the world will too. So that’s why I’m emboldened to give this a shot.


Currently, the Cyber Monday sales are active –  and some Etsy art is viewable and some Itch.IO asset packs updated, but little else is new.

Lots of gamedev, video, and web design stuff is going on in the background during December, though.

Jan. 20th, 2020 – the web network updates go live including way more video content, new design, comics, articles… etc.

Feb. 15, 2020 – the Miniature Multiverse extras pack and a bunch of new preview material gets posted online, generating further buzz.

March 15th, 2020 – the full game (Miniature Multiverse) hits Itch.IO and Steam.

Shortly after that I will be reevaluating my plans based on how successful or not, that game’s been. If it goes well, more will happen faster. We’ll see.



September 2019 updates


So… the things I said I intended to do, in my last post, are happening.

-eBay stock media DVDs, are being sold and some are being auctioned right now along with a lot of other amazing deals intended to draw attention to the store I have there.

-the two new stock 3d asset packs I promised were in development, are finally available on

But – and this is a key thing – I could still really use support to get Miniature Multiverse done soon.

And no, I haven’t yet resumed my efforts on Etsy, but at some point I will. The video ‘Freeway’ is complete, and the new House Trek is in production. I am currently working on a systemic overhaul of nearly all my websites with OpenElement and if some things occasionally seem a bit more defective than usual in next few weeks it is probable they’ll be fixed soon, but as usual you would be well advised to refresh any pages that seem broken or massively out of date. If a page is soon gone entirely, removed, the content is probably just redesigned with a new organizational structure and filename, it is NOT gone. Try refreshing or returning to the domain root, then refreshing. And if that fails, try again a few hours later or a few days later. This should work in 99+% of problem cases.  Seriously, it will all be better in many ways (visually, navigationally… in performance and responsiveness terms too) once this transition process is over and the data is all restructured and redesigned.

Right now I am pursuing a lot of work on Amazon’s mTurk and it doesn’t pay well, but it might be enough to cover the remaining miniature supplies and some other costs, by mid October. But again, if you want to help get that moving ahead faster, try buying something from the above shops, or backing me on Patreon – (or Ko-fi –  –    if you only want to commit to a small one off payment) or, maybe hiring me via the HornbostelProductions shop. I am not merely offering made to order personalized art in numerous forms, I am now posting an option in which you could pay me to make a virtual tour / virtual world for you or for someone you care about, as a gift item. It is less expensive than you may expect; right now prices amount to roughly $2/ hr, so if you are choosing one of the more costly options it is still only around $28 to order a large, detailed realtime 3d world based on your creative visual ideas, and I can turn it around in a week or so, and give you a playable Windows application at the end of that week. That is pretty cool!

Anyway, thank you all for staying around, I realize things have moved slowly but I am still trying, I have not given up. I think sooner or later something I am trying will work out and my network will take off. patreOnce that happens it’ll be pretty amazing.


Making some new videos this summer, not just stock media, plus handmade artworks and finishing ‘Miniature Multiverse’ (hopefully)

My current plan involves the following sequence of events:

#1) Wrapping up and releasing the stock-media asset pack updates on Itch.IO, including an expanded ‘Marshes & Meadows’ and two new collections of 3d assets beyond that. Expected timing is late June, with the sale running from end of June through July 4th. I’d attempted to be ready for the entire duration of the Itch Summer Sale but things aren’t progressing quickly enough. So the start of that sale was officially June 21, and I had reworked my plan for June 24th or 25th when it became clear this would not be ready for the 21st, and now that it’s the 25th, I’m very close but realistically the 27th-29th is now looking like a probable release timeframe. But whenever this stuff IS a bit more polished and ready to launch, you’ll see a video on my Itch profile, 15 mins. long, an extensive overview of my work, especially work related to Itch.IO releases & content.

The sale will include massive discounts as well, especially on a bundle of all five stock media packs ($1.49 for five different stock media collections together in one incredible bundle, essentially 30 cents each!)

#2) I also have been slightly reducing prices and broadening options on eBay, and I posted a brand new fantasy artwork for sale too, I created it on the afternoon/evening of the 24th, over a span of 3 1/2 hours. Opening bid is $8.99. You can view my eBay profile here as usual, and the fantasy item in particular, here. 

All the eBay activity is partly to raise funding, but also in preparation for a stock-media DVD launch coinciding with the new Itch.IO releases. Basically, it’ll be all five of my massive stock media collections that do or soon will, exist digitally on Itch, together on a physical DVD complete with disc art, cover art, shipped to customers through eBay. So the eBay ramp up in activity is intended to coincide with the equivalent excitement at Itch.IO.

#3) With the eBay and Itch frenzy wrapped up, ideally I’ll have raised a couple hundred $, or something close to that, and it’d get me to the point of funding the remaining content of ‘Miniature Multiverse‘ which STILL IS MISSING THE LAST HANDFUL OF MINIATURE WORLDS! So while I *could* plausibly raise that cash elsewhere, over the next month, if I want to do so before end of July, I will need something to happen on eBay / itch.

If you’re wondering why I recently bought a handful of items on eBay, incidentally, which have zero connection to that, including a batch of candy gummies and some lighting stuff [filters and a light] plus a bit of children’s clothing… yeah, I am recording a couple of comedy family videos with my nephews and niece, all of them under the age of seven. So they have short attention spans and candy is key to keeping them on task as the 20-minute mark hits. Plus the light stuff is related, as is the roll of blue paper I’m using as a improvised cheapo bluescreen. And the clothes, I want to be sure there’ll be shirts that won’t have any blue in the design, as blue would get keyed out! So yeah, sometimes for holidays I’ll grab something (the flower items for Mothers’ Day) or for projects. In the case of the current video projects, we’ll see if there’s a way to get everyone onboard with the idea of posting that stuff online, but for now I’m just focused on getting those videos made in the first place. So that… the videos in question include a short called ‘Freeway’ in which the children are forced not to watch TV, they get upset, drive off in a car, on their own, and a ridiculous chase ensues. The other video is “House Trek: The Next Generation, Season 1” and that is a follow up to the ancient HT TOS series of absurd sci-fi videos I did and which can be viewed (some of them at least) on

Only this time it has an actual cast, better production values (in terms of set stuff, props, etc) and a real narrative arc across the handful of episodes that constitute Season 1. The cast of HTTNG S1 includes me [as the crazy inventor uncle] and the kids [who accidentally initiate a launch sequence and cause the adventure to develop] and Katie [my sister / their mom] as well as my parents. This should be fun. You’ll see what I mean someday.

I’m recording this in much higher quality too. Really, it’s 1080p, good pristine 1080p too, some shot in 1080p, some in 2.7k and downscaled sharply. I could go higher res than that even but I think an HD final edit makes sense for a few reasons, mainly that 1080p is about as high as many PC monitors and mobile tablets can display anyway, and it’s the highest resolution that works for BluRays. But the bottom line is it’s real high end HD and it should look nice when done.

I am hoping that despite spending near $120 on the pair of video shoots, that I’ll still be able to cover the Miniature Multiverse stuff too, sometime in July. It’ll be the end of the month if no sales are made on eBay/Itch and maybe early/mid July if things go unexpectedly really well on my sales. But the project *will* move forward soon to completion, one way or another.

And so will the ‘older’ video projects. I had worried that a significant chunk of my video core data on videos recorded during the last couple years, would be unrecoverable and that in the worst case the videos would be severely weakened as a result of the data losses. But I’ve, with a mix of clever digital methods, been able to recover almost everything at this point, that was key to those. The resulting reality is this: Now those videos can also continue and move forward again. And that’s great news.

So, for example, Fortress Siege 2 is going to happen. And a few other videos too, will be part of what I’ll be working on from October-December 2019, after the release of Miniature Multiverse. If that launch goes well I may even be able to overhaul some of my hardware/software workflow and that may result in some cool VFX imagery and techniques / technology that you’ve never seen me pull off before!

Well, let’s just see how this goes, shall we? 🙂




BENEFITS AT THE $1/month tier include:

-29% off all orders placed on the shop

-All the paid content on matthornb.itch.IO for free.

-‘associate producer’ credit in all my posted videos and games, as long as you’re still a supporter.

At the $4/month tier, I ship stuff to you fairly regularly. Like video collections on DVD, artbooks, handmade artworks, etc. Plus there’s 42% off all items on this shop, not 29%. And more credits, executive producer, your name carved into a ‘Miniature Multiverse’ monument, and you get to choose an image and text to be included in a world of ‘Panoramic Worlds’. Oh, and any games I release on Steam, you get that copy too, not just the Itch.IO version.

Incidentally, now would be an interesting time to jump in as many videos will be posted about a month or so from now. If you want to be credited in a ton of my videos, that is an option! Also note – if you contributed to any of my videos as a cast member, or provided a location, and you’d rather not have your role appear in the project, I can obfuscate your face, voice, etc, if necessary, to avoid humiliation/embarrassment. [I can create a pseudonym for you too so you’re not credited!] But you need to contact me now, in the next 30 days, otherwise that stuff gets posted as is.  And once it’s online… it’s online, and I cannot easily let the genie out of the bottle, so to speak.

If you want to request a particular piece of content be held off the internet, please contact me asap on the forums of this site, or by whatever social media connections we may have. [email, FB, etc]

Revised roadmap & a challenge for everyone

  1. I’ll be posting two new stock media packs [3d asset packs] on my Itch.IO page sometime soon, probably within the next 5-10 days. These are the ‘Forests & Flowers’ and ‘Snow & Sand’ packs that I’ve been working on. They’ll be $1.10 each except during sales or in bundle pricing situations.
  2. I’m trying to update some websites a bit more, I’ve already overhauled somewhat, and should see a few small fixes & updates soon as well, along with minor improvements across some of my other websites.
  3. I’m actively ordering a bunch of additional art supplies, shipping supplies, and DVDs/DVD cases. Why? I intend to launch all the Itch.IO content together as a singular $14.99 DVD product on eBay and here as well. I also intend to make a new batch of artworks and sell those too.  As in, giant 24″x36″ size artworks, big, beautiful pieces with prices starting around $23.99.
  4. All this stuff going on will coincide with a staggering mix of ad campaigns that should draw in thousands of people and generate crazy levels of traffic from March 15 – April 15. The total cost is estimated at $45, or $1.50 spent on the campaign per day.
  5. I have some fan art stuff going on, behind schedule, but it is happening nonetheless. I also have some updates on heading in soon; you’ll see more content relating to the virtual church building tour which is nearing completion. I am also digitally reconstructing my old house in Houston, TX, and between all the various examples piling up, of my ability to realistically reconstruct architectural spaces, well… I’ll be posting a sale item here which essentially allows for people to hire me to make a made-to-order 3d level/tour for them in Unity.
  6. All the [still unposted] House Trek videos are going to be posted on shortly, except for the making-of stuff, and the animated DVD menus. And that’s just part of what’ll be posted. Watch for a PDF ebook, and also a printed paper equivalent, that showcases essentially all my work, with an emphasis on the creative process and what I’ve learned by doing all the stuff I’ve done [relating to game development, video production, handmade art, etc] it’s an insightful history summing up the last two decades of my life and it has hundreds of pics – giving you an inside look at a lot of things only friends and family know about so far, massive piles of interesting stuff the internet in general, currently has no idea exists. And no, not a puff piece, I very clearly and bluntly describe my mistakes and errors in judgement, and offer useful advice on solving common issues, that’ll make creative efforts hopefully easier for you than things have been for me.
  7. All of this sale stuff being launched, the artworks and other items, the book, stock media packs/DVDs, and the month-long ad campaign… it’s all a gambit to secure funding to do all the stuff I’m hoping to do by year’s end. I have three videos to shoot, about a dozen to actually finish, plus game content, including Vivid Minigolf v2, and Miniature Multiverse, those two in particular are challenging insofar as they each still have unresolved costs of over $250, in miniature materials alone. And then tack on the $450+ goals in funding between the three videos I’d like to record, plus all the other stuff involved… yeah, basically I hope this plays out well. If I don’t have close to $1k earned by end of Spring 2019, it means a lot of the goals for summer and fall of this year will fall through. And, quite bluntly, if you’re as tired of the slow rate of progress around here as I am, I’m pretty much begging you to buy something of mine, because if sales volume across my web network climbs high enough, and the percentage of visitors who transition to buyers climbs from a current level of 0.0135% to 5%, that’d change almost everything around here! (I seriously have thousands of visitors – around 2500 – every week, across my various websites and shops, and yet the majority of weeks nothing is actually sold anywhere on my network.)

SSL fix, other updates, and a rant

I, right now, am successfully solving the SSL issue that has been making Google Chrome throw errors and warnings on this site for roughly the past month.

I’m also planning to update and overhaul a lot of other things. Just stay calm if you saw that error, it was just a configuration problem. I’m working on it and the shop will be secure again in a matter of hours. [EDIT: Chrome no longer throws the red warning, because I’ve successfully re-implemented and fixed the SSL encryption that will ensure all store data [ie financial stuff, passwords] is kept encrypted and safe.] 

Updates of other types include a delay on Miniature Multiverse again. I keep looking at my shoestring budget and sadly cannot imagine any way I can cover the remaining $350+ in costs there without seriously compromising summer plans. The basic issue is that if I put the cash into my indie game,  it may or may not succeed. Indie game development is hellishly risky and very unlikely to work out, and I’m sort of wondering if I should double down on ‘lower cost’ and somewhat smaller projects for now in order to launch the game more effectively at the start of 2020. That is the safe bet given the likelihood that aiming full steam ahead on ‘Miniature Multiverse’ will ruin some other things if the game fails.

So here’s what the choice looks like for 2019:

-a few little minigames, plus a couple of niche multimedia projects & games that certain notable subsets of my audience have been waiting on seemingly forever, plus a bunch more still art, comics, and several key but small video shoots over the summer, plus overhaul of my video section on with a bunch of new things. And expanded lines of stock media/ 3D model collection stuff.


Miniature Multiverse. And the extras relating to that.

That all said, if any of the stuff in category #1 does surprisingly well, there’s no reason #2 won’t also happen in 2019. But it’d then likely be at the end of this year and not somewhere in the middle.

All of this shouldn’t have to be an issue but my effective discretionary budget across all projects is roughly $60-75/month lately and this slows everything down for obvious reasons, especially projects with massive volumes of physical supplies involved like Miniature Multiverse or Vivid Minigolf v2.  So yeah. Things will continue to move forward agonizingly slowly, indefinitely, until something, anything at all, that I make actually sells well. That’s just simple reality. It’s math. My list of 25 projects in varying stages of progress across all media formats will require 2.5 more years in the best case, to wrap them all up and 7-8 years at the current lurching-forward-in-fits-and-starts rate.  I don’t see a great solution arriving any time soon as my current pay rate is collapsing to roughly $1-2/hour (I’m not joking) on the most consistently available tasks. I am scraping by somehow though for now, mainly due to the assistance of family and the disability checks that cover the cost of my medications but not really anything else. I’ve got great, bordering on amazing, stuff on the way as far as stock media on Itch.IO but nobody is rating/reviewing it so it is going nowhere [so far]. The total revenue earned on Itch.IO after launching 3 different stock-media packs is under $50 still. Total. After 180+ hours of labor unpaid, hundreds of dollars spent on the stock creation processes, $45 in ad campaigns announcing this launch, and telling everybody I could, hours spent posting in forums and the like linking back to this stuff from a dozen sites. was my best shot at justifying going full steam ahead on Miniature Multiverse and it has only managed to further demonstrate that it’s unlikely to work out as a project launch.

It has been discouraging generally.

If I sound bitter, maybe it has something to do with several hard drives being utterly unrecoverable and almost 1TB out of 15TB est, of unique data lost forever, making a bunch of my in-development projects damaged and in certain cases possibly irreversibly ruined. That will set me back by about a year overall, and even then there’s still a slight chance it could become far worse due to lack of sufficient redundancies even now. And of course, it’s clear nobody except me cares about this or recognizes how good the material that was lost could have been. Which is perhaps for the best that they don’t; I do and it is still painful me emotionally as I sort through the losses and make desperate attempts to reconstruct the projects in some form. I have found some methods that might allow some bits of the lost material to be recoverable but it’s… slow going.

But I am – as someone with multiple mental illnesses – seriously an exhausted wreck by this point, running aggressively on fumes for years but still not quite at the point of giving up… or maybe will just finally admit my work will never be viable, and stop doing art, videos, game stuff. Just… stop trying. I’ll admit that taking a break and trying to relax is tempting, BUT:

I cannot help but suspect this time period, the past few years and the next few, might actually in retrospect be the best years of my life. Which kinda sucks. The world – our entire industrial civilization – is itself built on a bunch of fragile underlying structures and foolhardy assumptions that will start to unravel over the next decade. We have assumed that unlimited growth is possible, but it clearly isn’t. The earth is finite, and it is dying, and as the resource shortages start hitting us we’ll realize that we cannot continue in an economic order that assumes perpetual 2% average annual [real] growth. We’ll see volatility first, natural disasters, shortages, heat waves, persistently high inflation as our governments become entrapped by untenable debt to GDP ratios, widespread civil unrest, demographic problems with aging populations that are larger than the younger ones that have to support them, ultimately some desperate scramble to secure key resources ending in massive global warfare. I wish I could say we can manage the decline and unwinding rationally, but my optimism about this is dissipating now that it’s increasingly evident that nationalist us-vs.-them movements are the dominant public response forming in most countries. (i.e. Trump, Brexit, etc) and such tribalism is going to make things much, much worse because the underlying issues (climate change and environmental degradation) are global issues demanding international solutions. And it scares me to think so many people are deluded enough to believe a ‘rapture’ will save them. It won’t. God won’t save us. He’s probably not real. We have to fix this ourselves, using reason and empathy and long-term thinking, instead of continuing to ‘kick the can down the road’ because guess what? Time’s almost out. We’re at the end of the road. And while we may hope for a miracle, some ‘light at the end of the tunnel’, more than likely the light is a ‘train’ about to run most of us over.

These are the thoughts running through my head at times. I’m 32. I started pursuing creative work around age 13 roughly as that’s when I began working on videos and 3d animation, etc. 2001. Now it is almost 20 years later, and despite a college degree and a ton of effort, I’m still to this day working 10 or 11 hours a day on gigs and creative projects, with no financial viability to show for it and no good career prospects realistically ahead of me. And that’d be okay if I thought there was much time left. But I don’t. And I want to do something, help in some way. And I don’t know how I can, aside from ventilating about societal mass idiocy on this blog post.

I also have to note: My life is not over yet. I may be 32, still a virgin, autistic, depressed, never tried alcohol or drugs of any kind, technically unemployed yet working all the freaking time, working a lot of online gigs, at wages around $1.30-1.50/hr, tilting at creative windmills and pursuing personal projects I may not be able to actually complete if things get any worse, etc, but I am still not quite yet at the ‘giving up’ stage. Nor am I convinced that we should give up as a global society. We’re gonna have to make tough calls starting right now. I think to try desperately to solve things we have no good chance of solving, and pushing ourselves to and beyond the brink of sanity for others on the off chance that somehow it’ll pan out even if the odds are 99-to-one against or worse… is fundamentally one of the most human things I can think of. I am a Triumphant Artist. For me that’s defined as not giving up no matter how burned out you are, just pushing yourself harder and harder to make something work, until your last breath.

But it’s also about a certain sort of delusional idealism. I want to make a difference in this horrifically messed up world and if you or I can’t make an impact and help keep human civilization afloat, while there’s still a chance to do so, then why bother existing at all?

Which is why I’ve recently been giving little amounts here and there fairly often, to educational causes, to medical causes, environmental causes too. If you were to see my tax returns next year… you’ll likely find my total 2019 income to be basically nothing, about $2000 earned doing creative work for others, and virtually all of it poured back into projects of my own, save for maybe 40% given away either as gifts to family/friends/cast members (birthdays, Christmas, stuff like that) or to genuine charitable causes. I know the statistics. I know conservatives donate more per capita than liberals. So all you – liberals or conservatives – please step up your game and give to causes you’re convinced are genuinely worthy and which you can verify via unbiased sources, actually have an efficient and effective impact on the world. I realize I may not ever make more than a dollar or two an hour in earnings. But if I, even as ugly as my prospects are, can give *anyway*, and influence someone, anyone, to give a bit more too, or give to better or more impactful causes, then maybe I can live with myself being in the frustrating situation I’m currently in.

It should be over. I should’ve given up on any sort of career years ago. But because I’m kind of an idiot, I am still not yet giving up.

I won’t give up because I can’t. It’s not who I am. Jason Lindsey once described me as ‘one of the most intrinsically motivated people I’ve ever met’ and maybe my breakthrough is still ahead of me. And by breakthrough, I mean $12-15k per year, being off of dependence and government disability, paying taxes, giving way more to worthy causes and to help people I care about, having creative freedom to pursue my ideas for outstanding projects without having to stall them or compromise them constantly due to lack of funding, and basically that is my dream, to do this on my own terms, with my own business. And if it doesn’t happen, well, I guess that’s okay. I’ll try to be satisfied with less. Because adjusting your expectations downward is usually the only road to peace internally. And ‘success’ is a moving target nobody ever hits anyway. Everyone wants more, until suddenly life hits the endpoint and you’re stuck wishing you had enjoyed life a bit, while it still existed for you.

Nobody hires a mentally ill person. It’s a red flag. And especially, nobody hires a mentally ill person with no recent ‘steady’ conventional employment. That’s a HUGE red flag. So I have essentially come to accept that no matter how extensive and exceptional my skill sets are or how little I agree to in pay, or how much unpaid overtime I’m game to do, I will never be hired anywhere for any longer-term ‘real’ job… I’ve given up on anyone ever hiring me and I am determined to make a real self-supporting living on my own, freelancing and doing artworks and creative stuff for other people online, dirt cheap, and building what I hope will be viable self-created product lines – more and more of them as time passes – digital products or on DVD, sold on Etsy or eBay or Itch.IO or Steam or right here.

I am not giving up yet. I probably never will until I am forced to face the collapse of industrial civilization due to our short-sighted political/macroeconomic/environmental/militaristic thinking, then death and then no longer existing.

And if that is mentally, psychologically and/or emotionally unhealthy for an unemployed nobody like me to feel the stress, the crushing weight and responsibility of needing to help save the world, and it makes me a deluded moron, so be it. Rather work hard trying to improve things for everyone, than shirk all responsibility and live unaware of, or simply not caring about, what’s most likely coming.

But… I do think that there are massive systemic risks ahead in the next 25 years. I am worried for what the world will be like for my 5-year old nephews as they grow up. I want the future to be bright. I believe there’s still a chance that it will be. But that won’t happen if we ignore the warning signs and go about ‘business as usual’ without regard for the future, without regard for the health of the planet’s ecology that our civilization is dependent on, and without regard for the needs of the sick, the poor, the weak and desperate.

So yeah. Do something to make the world better. I may not succeed and indeed am near certain I never will, but if a few of you who actually care about fixing things do succeed and put your success to good and selfless use, then maybe my embarrassing train wreck of a life isn’t for nothing. We have the internet. We are globally connected, right now, by the world wide web. That, if nothing else, is encouraging. Maybe we will start to care more about people in other countries, when we have friendships and personal connections online, with people all over the world. Maybe it’ll be a key platform for younger people to save the planet and work together, help each other. The internet’s often been hateful and full of trolls and deceptive misinformation, and idiocy and criminals. But it doesn’t have to be.

It can and should be a force for collaborative good, for compassion and cooperation. I want that, and if enough of us choose to actively use it that way, to solve problems instead of cause them or apathetically drown them out… we could still turn the world around. It does require deep, painful sacrifices though.

As for any not-mentally-ill people whose only takeaway from this was that I am a deranged lunatic, you’re being superficial. Sorry. But it’s sort of true. Just because a person is emotionally volatile and sees the future as a dark and horrific place, does not mean they are insane, and it doesn’t mean they’re wrong about everything or that there’s not data backing up the thesis that the current era is not ‘normal’ and that we’re facing the impending potential end of civilization as we know it. I can’t believe I have to point this out but there was an earlier draft of this post that was WAY THE FUCK MORE HONEST and WAY MORE UPSET than what actually ultimately got posted. And if you are bothered by some damn F-bomb being dropped here – again – I don’t give a shit at this point. I posted this message after three straight hours of tears, a lot of soul searching about whether I can justify continuing to allow myself to live, when my death might actually make more constructive difference than I will realistically ever be able to make by living, billions of people dying off in the next 15-20 years, the collapse of the current system of govt. in the US within a decade and global collapse following that, a desperate scramble to mitigate human suffering and make an impact in the dwindling time before doing so is no longer logistically possible… and you aren’t listening to that and only see a curse word and think that’s the problem here, then maybe you’re the lunatic. Sorry. I hope you get help. 😉


ALSO: I have a few ideas for how to pull of $12,000/year income within 24 months assuming the next, bigger recession doesn’t hit by then, which I cannot assume. There are some big question marks but it may be feasible to get there. We’ll see. Right now I’m again in the ‘researching, and trying things’ stage. $3.50/hr, 10 hrs/day, should get me to my target where dependence on family and country are not issues. The question is how to reach that approximate pay level. I have a bunch of ideas that could maybe do it. None of them are safe bets but they all have a decent chance of working, and right now I am starting off with mTurk and TurkerView, working my ass off sorting through gigs that are, around $2.50-4.50 / hr, seeing what I can do, even though it does mean other (creative) work goes on the backburner or slows down dramatically. I have this loopy idea of working hard and being miserable on these gigs, as a setup for a pivot back to an improved art pipeline after a couple months. And with the art I’ll advertise the content heavily, like to the tune of $150+ in ad campaigns, in pursuit of driving bidding activity up on eBay, and if sale price on each item goes up by a target of 10% that is really a 35% increase in profit. Another 10% beyond that and the earnings hit the $3.50/hr goal. Maybe it’ll work? :/

I also clearly will continue to try to get the ‘Miniature Multiverse’ project completed. So… phase 1, boost art pipelines. I’ll have that done by end of May 2019.

Phase 2, complete Miniature Multiverse. By end of July 2019 ideally.

And phase 3, a bunch of other stuff. There’s a lot of video stuff to wrap up and some other things that could be amazing. Video projects pose a fascinating challenge insofar as they have NO evident path to profitability, as I’m now finally accepting. BUT, I still hope to pay a bit to any actors who participate, using a simple 20% of the profit margins made by my art sales, indie game sales, and stock media sales. There’s a post about this on Patreon, and it wound up on Facebook as well, but essentially everybody who contributed to my projects will now have a stake in their success or lack of it. Within 30 days, a new batch of material goes live on, along with a removal of all the banner ads, logos, and links out from the site. Basically we’re talking wave after wave of posted videos, 100% free, totally non-profit, which has some upsides, but there’s also a problem with this, which is that it still does not stop litigation.

I am sacrificing a lot. I have sacrificed a lot. I am not doing well fiscally.

I spent a ton of cash on making these video projects over the past 18 years. Thousands of dollars. I also poured thousands of hours into them. I will likely be divvying up a couple hundred dollars or more, to pay past cast members for their involvement. Those same cast members who refused to agree to sign basic talent release documents, which is partly my fault and has kind of precipitated this mess.  I’ve announced this elsewhere but as a reminder, to all cast members, unless you voice concerns about a particular role, scene, or bit of video content, going live online, after the next 30 days, you will probably begin to see that content head online. So there’s a cast member with altered voice, blurred out face, pseudonym in credits, all that is being done on several videos because she requested it. Others likewise requested that certain roles be kept offline. But if you’re not willing to request that a [role] be obfuscated/withheld from the web, in the next 30 days, you will probably find that it’ll get posted. And once posted, it won’t leave. It may be pulled from, I can do that, but as you all already realize, there’s nothing to stop the web browsing public from downloading the video files, and posting them all over the place on their own blogs and sites and social media feeds – which means if you do not act now, before the videos go live, and contact me, and are later embarrassed by a video posted online, let’s just say I gave you ample warning. Which is verifiable; I posted this warning in multiple places online including social media, emails to my contacts lists, etc. If you’ve missed it, it’s your fault for not keeping track of what is going on.